After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
