They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize