do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
