Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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