Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
