my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
