have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
