ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize