why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
