Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
