Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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