The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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