I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
