found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
