the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
as a side note pls kill me
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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