He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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