My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
