oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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