Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
