he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
