I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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