You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
