Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Randomize
