Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
