Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
