You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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