i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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