then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
