I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
