You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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