She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
