my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
