my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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