It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
