I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
