Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
