She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
