gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
