I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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