You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
