if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
