The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
