Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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