I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
