Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
