dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
