oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize