You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Randomize
