Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
