i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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