he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
