You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
