Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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