Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize