I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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