I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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