I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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