That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
