her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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