I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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