I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
