Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You can't just leave with hair like that
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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