I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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