It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
