walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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