I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
