Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
