i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize