so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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