Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
